“Who are you?”

Disclaimer: The following story is a figment of my imagination based on current state of affairs, any resemblance to any particular person or incident is purely coincidental.

“Who are you?” the guy asked with bloodshot eyes looking at her with maddening rage. The same question that you might be asking me. More apt question will be who she is, because I am not her. But then what’s her name? How does it matter I say! Has it ever mattered? Will it ever? For that matter is this her story for it to matter? Or is it a story of the times, or story about something else, perhaps it’s a story of us. So did I ask who are you…I didn’t! I didn’t even ask you why you are here…for this story most likely won’t be to your liking. But it still needs to be told, for I want to tell it, call it my “God complex”!

She was also like that, she did what she felt right. That is why she was there. Not one to answer questions but to ask them, after all she was the journalist. A free and true one as she made herself to be. She realized much early in her career that big organisations are not really favourable for your journalistic freedom and integrity, no matter which organization it was, how it worked, what side it worked for, it always supported its allegiance and not the truth. So she soon quit to start her own thing. No she wasn’t some rich kid whose dad could buy her a media house. Hers was a small blog which she filled with stories of interest of common folks that many times biggest of media houses gave a miss not for being insignificant but these stories ruffled people whom they couldn’t afford to be upset. Now I know you must be forming an image of her in your minds after reading this much. How many ‘isms’ she followed, what all ‘ist’ she was, how she dressed, where she studied…etc., etc., etc.! But let me tell you before you go any further with those images of who she is in your mind…she was nothing like that. She was a happy go lucky girl, believed in good, even had faith in a supreme being she believed did good of people and she tried to do her bit in that as well. She went to her small worship place near her house on designated days, as per the customs. She was always smiling, looking at bright side of things, making people feel good and smile at her jokes and antics. She was also fearless, from being a little girl who wanted to fight of ghosts in the dark that scared her friends to now trying to expose dark secrets that high and mighty wanted to keep hidden.

Here she was face to face with the carnage of hate to find truth in a locality in one of the most sensitive parts of national capital, Delhi. Her own city, which is called colloquially “Dilli Dilwalon Ki…”, the same city seem to have lost its heart for some time now. Since the government brought these controversial citizenship bills that made more mess than it cleaned up as proposed. There were riots everywhere spurring up from one side or other. While some of you may argue a big city like Delhi lost its soul long ago and all, let’s face it such violence our national capital hasn’t seen in few decades which was more than her entire lifetime so for her all this was new. She kept getting information on violence, some by government forces sanctioned officially, some by people in masks, sanctioned unofficially by interested parties. She couldn’t sit back amidst all that particularly at a time when media and journalists’ integrity and credibility was under scrutiny like never before. She was now seeing the destruction first hand that people had brought on each other in one of the worst affected areas. Burnt carcasses of cars stop dead, as their tyres burning at a distant most likely been used further as an weapon by the arsonists. While there were people still on the streets and she could see faces looking out of alleys, windows, there was a deafening silence in the area. That silence was periodically getting broken by sudden chants that she had only heard at places of worships and during festivals. Those very chants that filled her heart with positivity and calm now filled her with dread perhaps for the first time in her young yet fearless life. These people, the hostile expression on their faces and the chants all felt alien to her. Her parents had tried stopping her, her friends did too, saying these were not the time and place for girls to go. She had rebuked them saying that way many say about the entire city and even the country then should we sit on our asses and do nothing? Even her buddy who had stood by her all the time seem to be wavering this time. He had tried to reason with her that these were troubled times and even big reporters from big media houses were not taking risks to reach ground zero despite their clouts, alliances and everything. She reminded him how he had followed her out of a job in big media house to help her run her blog as a photo-journalist believing in her words of making a real impact as independent journalists rather than part of some big network. She wanted to go and share real stories that others weren’t willing to show and if he didn’t want to come along, and he was free to do so. As these things go, he could never do that, and so here they were in that precarious position now despite her assurances that God will look after them as they were going to do good by bringing out the truth. The truth, despite the dangers she felt, she tried to ascertain by asking few people here and there. But her questions were met by hostile queries of their own as they tried to gauge who she was, one of their own or not and depending upon the answer her fate they would decide.

Her friend again dissuaded her from this, told her never to answer who she was correctly but make it according to situation. All he wanted to take her away from here safely but alas god perhaps had a different plan. Due to this group of people he tried to avoid while she was busy questioning some women she found on a window he had to move away to another street. By the time she finished her futile questioning things had taken a turn for the worst. As she frantically looked for him, she found him in next alley lying knocked out with a bleeding head wound from the same man and his buddies now confronting her. She tried to reason with him, told him they were there to listen to their issues, make the world listen and take note. But sadly these are different times, none believed her. He asked her point blank if she took him for a fool? You are media people, he said. You are paid by government to tell only their story. We will not spare you today and teach you a lesson that your leaders will remember. She tried explaining how they were not with anybody and ran their own independent venture but all fell upon deaf ears. He said let me show you how we deal with insolent bitches like you. You want us out of this country, but we will spread the nation of Allah to the whole world including India. Kaafirs will die only we true believers will remain. Unashamed, uncovered women like you will be taught their right place not to speak over a man.  They closed in on her, started pawing her from all sides, tearing her clothes up. She couldn’t believe what was happening to her at first. In the name of God these men were brutalizing her! How can God be allowing this? She was there to tell about their plight. Maybe it was the Shaitaan, as Maulaviji had said, who takes over the mind and soul of people to make them do evil deeds to undermine God. But despite the raging eyes and attacking hands she somehow couldn’t see any Shaitaan there anymore! If god the almighty, the all merciful was allowing this to happen to her was it Shaitaan that was controlling these men? She tried fighting hard but they were overpowering her surely. Her companion himself incapacitated much to intervene and police, well let’s just say they were acting very godly by not intervening from far-far away, busy in some more pressing concerns perhaps!

As some time passed, the ravaged body of the girl on the street started to stir out of unconsciousness. Her first thought if all her assailants were gone and if her friend was ok, despite the physical and mental shock she tried to keep her sanity intact somehow. She tried to look around, seeking help and trying to find her injured friend. But her vision was blocked by a pair of boots. The sight gave her some hope, she looked up to see a helmeted policeman looking towards her. She tried to speak up and ask for help but she was choking up for pain. The policeman asked her, who she was? What had happened? But as she tried answering by her own pleas of help, another voice from opposite side answered before her from and No it wasn’t her friend! Looks like the Mullas have raped her and fled leaving her to die here. Maybe because she is a Hindu, we should help her, said the other voice. He asked directly, tell us girl you are a Hindu, right? Who did this to you? Sahab ji is here, we will help you! The physical pain and shock was excruciating for her, but the constant questioning of her religion just pushed her further down as if now all her hoped drowned. The guy said to police officer, perhaps she isn’t Hindu but a Muslim, that’s why she isn’t speaking up. These Mullas are idiots, they may have raped her thinking she is Hindu. But let’s not spare her, she will bore more of those scums and who will fill the country with filth. Let us teach her a lesson on who are the real men here! The policeman shrugged him off saying these were troubled times, media eyes were everywhere and this girl herself looks like from media. There will be ruckus if someone saw him or worst filmed him. The other guy was free to do whatever he wanted but he needed to go as there was lot of work for him other than to get busy in such stuff now.

As the policeman turned his back towards the girl and walked off to some other site perhaps to uphold the law in his own unique ways, the other guy looking at the disheveled state of the girl started having a glow in his eyes as he lowered his pants and himself onto her. She looked at his face thinking surely this is the devil himself, a mighty evil Rakshasa is out here to rob her of her last bit of life. But this guy was no dark skinned Rakshasa with an evil laugh. He looked like rather handsome prince god she saw regularly at the temples, the king who was the perfect man of all and who’s kingdom this guy was saying he will spread far and beyond. As her senses finally started leaving her and this senseless world due to the assaults becoming too much for her the final words she heard, “asli maja to ab ayega…kate hue se thodei hota hai, pure ka maja lo!”, perhaps summing up the change in the society and its beliefs. But is anything really changing, yes maybe the chants, the colours, the names and faces but the cycle of violence perpetrated in the name of those revered figures continue to happen without any change. In the end you may again ask me who she was, but I wonder who are we and who are they...god or devil, in whose name we forget ourselves so brutally!

Moonlit Darkness

Memories are like sand, they keep slipping away from you with time. However, whenever you pick up a handful again it gives you the same tingly sweet feeling. Ashok came out of his small philosophical bout finding himself standing surrounded by piles and piles of sand everywhere. The sand dunes that had brought the memories of his childhood were now meeting him after so many years like a long lost friend forgotten with time. However, what had brought him back to the real world was his present, small hand of his 5-year-old daughter Chloe tugging him towards herself. Ashok brushed his other hand in his jeans to remove the remaining bit of sand, ready to follow his daughter. Chloe was by now jumping up and down excitedly saying that the cab-driver uncle had managed to make the repairs and start the cab. Ashok and Chloe joined his wife Megan in the car, ready to make the remaining small journey onwards to Ashok’s native village.

As the cab pulled up before his old house and Ashok with his family got down, once again memories came rushing towards him like a sandstorm hitting his face. Ashok remembered how he used to run around everywhere in the house, on the roof, in the veranda, to escape from his mother, who ran after him with next morsel of food from his plate to feed him. These memories he so desperately wanted to avoid by not coming back here or was it the emotions that came with them that were alien to his logical engineer’s mind, just like sand for someone’s eyes. But, it was his wife’s wish combined with his daughter’s demand that made him finally relent almost five years after his marriage. In fact they were here to celebrate the double occasion of their fifth marriage anniversary and Chloe’s 5th birthday together (oh yes they had gotten married on the day Chloe was born and it’s another story how Mr. Forever-Alone Ashok had gotten hooked to the green eyed Megan).

A hand yet again broke Ashok’s chain of thoughts, this time on his shoulder. As Ashok turned to see who’s hand it was, he came face-to-face with a face that was about a decade older than the one he had seen last.  Both the hand and the face belonged to his childhood friend Mukesh. That time too Mukesh’s hand was on Ashok’s shoulder to support and console him as he gave fire to his mother’s pyre. All her life, his Mother had done everything for Ashok, as he meant the world to her. For all the success that he ran after, his failure to not even say last goodbye to her still haunts him.  Today she was no more part of his life and he had not been able to do anything for her all her life.  With that regret at heart, Ashok had decided over the burning fire never to return to the place that had nothing for him other than those memories and the guilt.

That was the last time the two childhood friends had met face to face. The two were inseparable souls in their childhood, living very close by to each other, they were mostly found together involved in some mischief or the other. Time took them slowly apart as they grew up to become young men. While Ashok went to one city to get his engineering degree, Mukesh went to another to become a doctor. Even though they kept in touch over phone and mails, professional commitments made the communication few and far between. While Mukesh came back to his native village to take up the long vacant position at local government dispensary, Ashok went to USA to work for an MNC. When Ashok had left after his mother’s death Mukesh had taken care of the house. As per his mother’s wish Ashok did not want to sell the house and over the years Mukesh had overseen that the house is maintained well without omitting its old world charm. Today the house was fully prepared to receive its rightful owners after a long wait. As the two friends’ wives and children were meeting for the first time, the introductions were made and the party moved inside.

Spending each day together both the families grew closer together rekindling the old friendship of the two childhood friends. When the touring family had finally shaken off the jet lag, they all went to the fort at the outskirts of the nearby city and the Purnamasi Mela (full moon fair) that was organized there just like in the childhood days of Ashok and Mukesh. After a fun outing both the adults and young ones thoroughly enjoyed they came back to continue the celebrations of the special day for the family in the evening.  Ashok opened the champagne and bourbon whiskey that he had specially brought to celebrate the occasion. The drinks were followed by a wholesome meal of local delicacy of Laal Maans (Red Meat) prepared under the direction of Mukesh’s wife Sarita.

After dinner it was time to say goodnight, Mukesh once again insisted that his friend and his family move to his place now that they had spent these few days at their house. His house was rebuilt by Mukesh to have more modern amenities that would be more comfortable for both Megan and Chloe. Both of them denied having any such difficulty as Mukesh had kept this house too in best of conditions. Megan also loved the old world feel of this house, colorful paintings adorning its walls. It was her long-standing wish to visit India even before she met Ashok and then she wanted to visit his roots more. The mysticism and colors of India had always fascinated her, and now that she was finally in such an environment, she wanted to enjoy it a bit more in its pure form before they went back to modern life. In return, Megan invited the couple to stay one more night with them, but the next day was working for Mukesh with many patients lined up, so they had to refuse.

As the other couple took their leave for the night, Megan announced that to enjoy the beauty of the full moon night she would want to sleep on the roof as Ashok was saying they used to do in their childhood. Ashok was really not very keen on the idea and he even cited mosquitos, which was quickly repelled as a lame excuse with all the available mosquito repellents. The truth was his friend’s insistence specially for tonight had brought back some particularly peculiar memories from his childhood. Guess no matter how educated you become some superstitions ingrained in your childhood only just get pushed deep inside your subconscious but never leave you fully. Smiling over this thought, he agreed to his wife’s proposal.

From the rooftop, the surrounding scene was pretty much how he remembered from childhood days. Yes now on the side of the village there were electrical wiring going on and more houses built in modern style. However, the other side the mountain that had gone up from just besides Ashok’s house remained mysterious as ever. On top of it was the old palace that his mother used to say it belonged to their ancestors, but over time like the family that owned it the palace too had lost its glory and now stands deserted for years. No one ever really went there now. In the childhood, the hill might have looked dauntingly higher and the palace more sinister in dark but even today in the full moon night the scene still had a mystical foreboding aura to it.

The long shadows that fell from the palace with the full moon coming up behind the palace brought back some forgotten memories of one such night from his childhood. That full moon night Ashok as a young boy not much older than his daughter now was sleeping with his mother on the roof. Suddenly a howl stronger than any animal shattering the silence of the night awoke him. His eyes opened and the scene before him seemed to him like one of those shadow plays that he had seen at the Purnmasi mela last month. In this play the sky became the backdrop, and the mountain, the ruins of the palace, some barren trees scattered in that area made for the props. Then little Ashok saw the protagonist of this play, was it some kind of beast or a man Ashok could not recognize. However, its shadow drew a facial structure of a wolf like creature and his body was upright like that of a man with a slight hunch, but the overall shape and size was much larger than any man or animal he could recognize it as. This was perhaps some mythical beast, Ashok thought scared out of his wits, just as the creature jumped around from one place to other with an alarming level of agility. Sometimes he was on the porch of the palace and sometimes on one of the trees then sometimes he went out towards the mountaintop. All the time giving out that unearthly howl, a howl of agony or anger Ashok did not know, but every time he heard it, it filled him with a cold dread like never before. Ashok looked towards his mother sleeping besides him, somehow remaining completely unfazed. Just as he was thinking of waking up came the next howl of the creature that shook him to the core. He shirked and hugged his mother and hid his face under her sari as if it would save him even from the devil himself. Immediately his mother’s assuring hand came over him, patting him she pulled him close that made him feel so safe that Ashok drifted into sleep. Such a scene was played many times afterwards and every time a scared Ashok hid his face with his mother’s sari and she assuring him to sleep.

Now the times had changed and with it the scene too. Of course this time Ashok did not have his mother to reassure him back to his sleep when he was awaken by the same howl tonight. What was worse that the howl sounded much closer to home. Ashok's eyes fluttered open and he sat up in a flash. The next one came just from the corner of the roof as the creature had climbed up on it. Seeing his fiery eyes and inhuman structure Ashok's mind was paralyzed with fear, which filled him and overcame his complete being. Not just that he didn't have his mother's protection this time, it was he who had to play the role of the protector for his little girl and wife and he realised he was simply no match for this unearthly being. By the time, he could gather his wits the beast or whatever you want to call him, was upon him. By the time he could register the fact that his wife and daughter were now in mortal danger from their screams, the creature had backhanded him with mighty force that took him flying towards the roof relling. With a solid thud at the back of his head, he fast started losing his consciousness with barely enough time to hear Megan screaming their daughter's name..."CHLOE...CHLOE...NO...NO...NO"!

Cool water mixed with breeze on his face and icepack on back of his head brought Ashok back out of unconsciousness but what really brought back his senses was panicked face of his friend Mukesh over him and sound of sobbing of his wife from behind as complete terror of the situation set in within his senses. He tried getting up as fast as he could to gather some news of what happened only to be pushed back by his friend gently. He said, though it does not seem he had suffered any big damage, but a concussion cannot be ruled out so he had better take it easy. However, taking it easy was last thing on his mind, he could not bear the fact that he was did such a poor job of protecting his family and now he had lost his little girl...his lifeline forever. That thought panicked him further and he started murmuring Chloe’s name asking what happened to Mukesh. It was then he saw Megan for the first time, eyes bloodshot from all the crying and face ashen from fear made a grotesque contrast on her otherwise beautiful face. What was at least matter of some solace for Ashok was that besides the damage terror and continuous crying had made to her features, Megan seemed unharmed otherwise.

"You need to find her...you need to get my baby back to me from that beast...” were her repeated ramblings and it again shook him out of his state of psychological paralysis. Mukesh's gentle warnings could not stop him this time. He just had to go and go now to find his little girl and bring her back even if it meant fighting the devil himself. He ignored the wooziness and throbbing at the back of his head and started to move towards his wife. He held her hand, pressed it lovingly to reassure her that he will bring her baby back, and then went forward towards the door to get out to the unknown to fight the unknown. But he was held back by hand of his friend on his shoulder, Mukesh wasn't ready to let his friend go face whatever demon it was out there alone. Since childhood, they have been inseparable souls, taking on the world together with their witty and naughty antics. Mukesh had never known love of a mother but Ashok's mother had never made him feel it and loved him equally. If in childhood stealing fruits from neighborhood, garden's and wiggling out of tight situation together never made them hesitate to leave each other's back, some years of separation or some fearsome unearthly being will not come between them today as well. Mukesh had a gun in his hand and he would hear nothing but go with Ashok on this mission. Hence, the two childhood friends yet again came out together this time to battle an unknown demon to rescue their little girl.

The mountain path was rocky and full of thorny plants, the moonlight night was helpful in seeing the path but that did not make it any easy to make the climb with no used path. No one ever came this side, not even the village cowboys with their goats so there was just no passageway marked or created, it was only their indomitable willpower to not give up that kept them climbing up despite several cuts and bruises in their hands. Ashok had taken the family sword from the top of the rack as his choice weapon that was now slinging on his back. He really did not know much of sword fighting except the play fighting he and Mukesh did around Dussehra and Diwali with wooden swords. However, he knew if it came to it, he would cut the demon to pieces to save his girl even if it took all his strength. He also knew his friend and brother Mukesh would always have his back as he did all those years back. Any other alternate narrative he just refused to let into his head.  As the two friends were going up reaching for the ruins  of the old palace the moon had started its decline towards the horizon and with it their guiding moonlight, as if with it taking away the hopes of a rescue in to the darkness of the night. But the two friends had never ever had known to lose hope and courage even when almost a dozen elder boys had gheraoed them during one of their mischief gone wrong in their childhood. The odds tonight might have been more against them but they still refused to let go of hope and courage.

They say moonlight of a full moon plays trickery on the mind, turning the sanest person into raving lunatic. The scene they found before them after reaching the palace and searching its broken down corridors and rooms was one such that can make anyone doubt their sanity. Perhaps it is also true that touch of an innocent child can turn the most monstrous beasts into an angel. May be not all but in this case it seemed to be an unbelievable truth. From all the vicious scenarios they might have tried hard to repel from their minds, the scene before them was very much different. An angelic child exploring the face of the devil himself with utmost curiosity, but what was more astounding was the beast was no more devilish but much more human like now. The eyes had no more the bloody gleam but had tears running down, the face had no more murderous villainy but was that of a man unkempt for years battling through nature's hardship lost in some unknown time and space now back to finding someone long lost through the eyes of this little girl before him. For those few moments both Ashok and Mukesh were dumbfounded, what started out, as a nightmare from hell, had now turned much weirder.

Perhaps it was the sound of old leaves n twigs crushing under their feet or maybe a new burst of wind coming from behind them carrying their scent to the man-beast, his attention suddenly turned towards the two new guests at his dwelling. Seeing them his features once again turned more beastly and the murderous gleam in his eyed returned to an extent only to be replaced by bewilderment when Chloe called out to Ashok... "Daddy..." and jumped up and ran towards him. This got the two men ready to protect her with their weapons and beast ready to pounce on them. But before the battle of life and death could start Chloe had already reached Ashok and said, "don't hurt him, he is friend!!!" This was a huge surprise for both the men and Mukesh asked her, "Chloe, what are you talking about?!" Chloe then pointed fingers at far end of the room, towards another corridor; a dead-body of another much larger beast with his head detached from his body was lying around. "That monster came here and he saved me from him...he has not harmed me, he is good, uncle!” said Chloe.

While the astonishing conversation was going on there was another silent conversation going on between Ashok and the Man-beast. Although Ashok still perceived the man-beast as a threat, but what he had seen before his eyes and what Chloe just told Mukesh, made him think. He was badly injured; gashes around his neck and chest were clear and deep, while Chloe was completely unharmed despite the ordeal. Ashok now realised that the howls and roars that they were deliberately ignoring throughout their journey up, so that the thought of those being sign of a macabre enjoyment did not make them feel hopeless about futility of their mission and fear and despair made them paralyzed to continue were actually war cries of these two deadly beasts.

Moreover, as the man and the Man-beast looked at each other there seems to be a sense of recognition coming over in each other’s minds. The full moon was almost at the verge of taking a leave for the night, the mix of moonlight, advent of dawn had created a mystical luminosity around, and in that, Ashok seeing the Man-beast found some uncanny resemblances to his own features. It was as if he was seeing himself, around 25-30 years older, much more weather beaten and toughened up under harshness of nature. It was perhaps a similar sense of recognition in the Man-beast that made him soften again or it may be due to finally his injures overcoming his supernatural strength and will power that he stumbled and fell down, trying to steady himself he took refuge with one of the pillars nearby. Ashok asked Mukesh if he could look into the wounds of this creature/person whatever he chose to call and if he could help him.

Although in his practice, Mukesh had come across many weird cases but this patient seems to be right up there. As he approached him, only thought Mukesh had was that this was something beyond his medical expertise, the wounds seemed fatal and blood loss was constant and he had no clue about such creature and how to cure them. But as he started approaching the man-beast the same sense of recognition that had come to his friend, also came to Mukesh, and with it came memories of his last conversation with Ashok's mother on her death bed. She was weak by the time her illness had taken over her entire body. Mukesh could not listen to all her words properly and what she was saying felt to him like drug induced senseless rant of a person disillusioned while on their last breaths. She was saying that the rumours of a beast lurking in the ruins of the palace on mountain-top was true, and it was none other than her husband and Ashok's father, cursed by the bite of another such creature on a full moon night. So more he went closer to this man/beast and saw his features he realised, words were not senseless rants but hard truth, this was indeed Ashok's father living a cursed life.

Despite his own apprehensions and protests of his patient, Mukesh was able to get close enough to inspect the wounds, they were indeed fatal, gashes in stomach and other places were bleeding profusely. It was only due to his unnatural and superhuman power that he was alive, but for how long, he was not sure and even if by some freak miracle, he did survive his eyes showed how tired he was of living this cursed life.  As Mukesh heard approaching footsteps of Ashok and Chloe, he had again gone back to those fateful moments before Ashok's mother's death and words she said then. That time those words did not mean much, as he was frantically trying to save the woman he loved like a mother. Now in the dying moments of this moonlit night he remembered what she had said. Only the family's traditional silver sword had the power to free him of the cursed life but none dare approach him in his full strength on a full moon night.

The sound of something falling to the floor besides him and Ashok's hand on his shoulder brought Mukesh out of his reverie. The family sword had fallen just besides him from the hands of Ashok, as if to make Mukesh realise that it was now his only opportunity and responsibility to end this cursed life of this man and fulfill last wish of Ashok’s mother. Mukesh asked Ashok to start the journey back and he will join them soon as otherwise each moment's delay must have been making life difficult for Megan. Realisation also dawned upon Ashok on why was his best friend was telling them to move ahead. He realised his friend was trying to save Chloe from any unpleasant scene that might scar her innocent child's heart forever or  him the unpleasant act he simply didn't have the power to do even though like his friend he too now had realised that was the only solution. Death is the panacea for all.

After some difficulty, finally Ashok managed to make Chloe leave her 'new friend' in her uncle's care and move ahead with him to the waiting arms of her mom with a promise to see him soon. They were almost three quarters way down when yet another howl pierced the silence of dawn to wake up all the sleeping nature around them. First ray of sunlight falling upon the headless bodies had turned them into ashes leaving just a dark spot on the ground. As a mark of respect and honour, he pushed the sword into the ground where the body's head would have been. As Mukesh started his quick descent to meet up with his friend on the way down, he realised the past was well and truly behind them now as a new future awaited them.

Unfinished Business

Prashant was a bit anxious today for this coming meeting. Smoking his Classic Milds at a nervous speed on the stairs of his office from where he can look down upon the parking lot. A self-made man, he headed the digital marketing division of his company started in zest about a decade back with his friends. Today they command a good position in the market so there is simply no need for Prashant to feel this nervous energy before a meeting that he hasn't felt in a long time. Not even last week for the meeting to pitch for a leading FMCG giant. And today's meeting was actually professionally insignificant, atleast from their side. Interestingly what set the ball rolling for this one was another chance meeting during that last week's pitch.

His chain of thoughts was suddenly broken when he saw this Ola cab stop at their parking. Right on time he thought, his wait was finally over, a wait to resolve some unfinished business, that he has been doing for over 2 decades and not just today! Once again the edginess in his temper today came back; he needed to really get hold of himself. He was not a school kid or a teenager to be acting like this. He actually did not know if it was really her in the cab or her at all, just a guess from the time.  He threw away the cigarette ignored for a while, still burning well into its butt.

He went inside his office and told his junior that someone was coming to meet him, so bring her to the meeting cabin once she arrives. After a few splashes of water on the face, he felt ready both inside and outside to meet this almost stranger. But that composure changed when she entered the cabin and looked at him with those same deep eyes sans the anger and tears he last remembered. Even before the introduction was made, in his heart Prashant knew that the old classmate he incidentally met during that last week meeting, told him the truth. This was Anubhuti, another classmate of his but a little more than that, best friends, his crush, perhaps love too had he really known the meaning of the word at that age. But whatever names the relationship you want to give, she was the one he had an unfinished business since long and that is why this meeting today was so important to him. She might not remember him today but he remembered everything that happened between them till the last incident that changed everything forever - as their handholding had ended so did their friendship.

Prashant would've gone deep into his thought had Anubhuti not broken it with her introduction. She was senior manager in a leading content marketing platform, that was after this leading FMCG company for their profitable business. She thought that the deal was secure as she had met an old classmate in the communication department there. But then he told her that they had appointed a digital communication agency and they will only decide about going ahead with their platform if they find the agency purposeful and they will only deal with them afterwards. So here she was meeting the head-digital marketing to explain the platform and its benefits. But what she didn't know was that there was an ulterior motive to this meeting too. Their mutual friend in the company Karun knew about their friendship and had recognised them both while meeting them. So when he told Prashant about her, he was very eager to meet her and it was decided that this meeting would be set up like this.

As her presentation rolled on, Prashant’s thoughts kept going back to their school days. They were both good at studies since kindergarten, and yet enjoyed games and recreational activities equally. It wasn't as if they only spent time with each other, they had their own friend's circle amongst their respective genders. Afterall this was still mid 90s and a boy and girl seen constantly together was scandalous to many. But coming from open-minded families they never really had any hitch about being friends with opposite gender, be it with each other or others. With time though they had grown accustomed to each other more than anyone else, from sharing tiffin in the group to going back home together. His house was on the way to hers, just a block away. In primary school they had the same ‘Dai-ma’ taking them back home with other kids on the way. The practice had continued even after there was no ‘Dai-ma’’ or other students accompanying them now that they were in junior school.

Anubhuti broke his wandering thoughts once again, as she asked him a question on what she was just explaining, thinking he was not really paying attention, a classic case when a customer is simply not interested. But Prashant had already done his background research on the product and answered it to her satisfaction that he understood what she was explaining. Once again this took Prashant back to those days when due to his distracted nature and slow handwriting he missed class notes and he would go to her house almost every evening to copy them from her. An exasperated Anubhuti seeing him being distracted and slow would herself take up the copy and copy the notes for him, so they could just get on with some play before it became dark and he had to go home with his aunt downstairs talking to her mom. More than her though this evening ritual had become an irritation for the boys group Prashant was part of. He would miss their evening cricket and football matches and they really started teasing him for his friendship with her. After all even though liberalisation had opened the economy for a few years now, minds of people were still closed about a girl and boy being close friends. Murmuring taunts of P loves A could be heard in the school corridors whenever they met or just stood nearby coincidentally. Even his best friend Pradeep who wholeheartedly supported them had actually indicated that he at times felt left out, specially when he would share more food with her in his tiffin and not him!!!

After completing her presentation, Anubhuti asked him if he found the product interesting and how would he like to proceed further. At this Prashant realised, that even before he had gathered his thoughts on how to deal with their unfinished business, this meeting had come to an end. Now the nervous energy before the meeting was again back in Prashant. Despite being a communication professional for over a decade, suddenly opening up and talking at a personal level was not his forte. He tried stalling her stay by apologising for not offering her coffee or tea before and asked if she would like one and they can discuss some nitty-gritty though he had got everything completely. But she politely refused as she was not really big into drinking tea-coffee and also had a personal commitment approaching. But she said would be happy to discuss way forward or any doubts he had over email if he needed time to sort his mind out. Prashant realised that she was actually in some hurry but also that his lack of concentration had miffed her. He realised she hadn't really changed much after all these years, still very perceptive about others thoughts. She could specially read him like her text books and yes getting irritated easily was something of a weakness they both shared. Both these qualities perhaps were instrumentals in what eventually happened between them.

With time he had grown more attracted towards sports as with many boys of that age and he slipped in rankings, no more 1-2 between them anymore. She held on to being top of the class almost unchallenged then. But that didn't really bother him, atleast not more than the fact that now in junior school class they couldn't sit together due to difference in roll numbers and sitting arrangements between boys and girls in the class. But whenever he got to spend time with her it made him really happy, he even enjoyed playing girly games with her just like the sports he played with the boys. Memories of games they played brought a silly smile to Prashant's face even today. As little kids they played so many scenarios of husband-wife with her toy kitchen set and his bag, of course they had grown over those with time but there still was an unexplained intimacy in their games like antakshari even when they played among group of friends.

By now Anubhuti was rather frustrated, she had been standing silly before this guy with her hands extended for a parting handshake and he was lost in his own world. She withdrew her hand and said a semi polite bye; thinking to herself, clearly this was their last meeting. Even if they do get this client, of which the chances she thought were slim, she would request TL to assign some other manager to this account. She wouldn't be put through such disdain once again, big client or small. How ironical it was that when she first saw him, she actually felt she knew him, a long lost friend perhaps he reminded her of. It was now the turn for her chain of thoughts being broken when he called her standing from his desk.

Prashant realised this was his last chance, if nothing but of just a closure for what had happened between them all those years ago. Things for which he felt truly sorry, and since years he has been trying to find her just so he can get that one chance of redemption. So to prolong their time together, Prashant asked her if he could accompany her downstairs till she gets a cab or something as he was going down as well to get a new pack of cigarettes. Although she said it was not at all necessary as her ride was already there, she did not object to him walking down with her, opening doors for her with complete civility and attentiveness missing so far.

For Prashant, his birthday was never something he really wanted to celebrate in a big way, only 3-4 close friends, including Anubhuti were invited at his home with his family celebrating it all together. That year though leading up to his birthday, things were not very bright, they had grown further distant somehow. Half yearly results saw Prashant slip beyond top 10, and the taunts regarding them together among peers had grown sharper. What was worst is that he felt these things had made her cold towards him and that made him bitter. However, as his birthday drew near he invited her as always and she too accepted happily. For once he thought things would be better between them from now on.

But as things turned out that birthday and the day after, it ended up being the worst, one that changed many things in his life, including a resolve to never celebrate his birthday ever again. That day the weather like his mood had turned cloudy and gloomy and things became worst as the day rolled on. The drizzling that had started since morning kept making return appearances and that made it difficult for his friends to appear for his birthday. What was worst for him that even Anubhuti hadn't come who lived the closest. It was almost 8 o'clock, late even for ending such a party in those days and he hadn't even cut the cake despite everyone in his family asking him to. Finally he had lost all patience and just went out to call her from her house. It was big step as a kid his age going alone out at that late time, but he did not stop for anyone as tears and anger threatened to spill out.

It felt like a lightning strike when upon reaching her doorstep he found the door locked. He felt betrayed, she had gone out but not for his birthday, it was not that she got stuck in rain. Atleast she could've shown up just for a minute when she was going out with her family, he thought, but no why would she waste her time. The idea of her giving no importance to him broke barriers of his anger. Just as he would've made a fool of himself by doing something rash in the middle of the road, his best friend Pradeep's hand was on his shoulder calling his name, saying sorry that he got stuck with rain and muddy road.

Prashant was shaken out of his reverie finally by Anubhuti saying her ride was here. Shocked he realised they had already reached the building gate and a Honda City car was approaching them, driven by a smart looking guy of their age. Anubhuti smiled at the guy and turned to Prashant and said thanks for your time Prashant, you need not worry now as my husband is here to pick me. Even though we did not reach a deal today, look forward to a positive outcome of our meeting. With that she opened the passenger side door and sat in the car that had already pulled up before them.

As they drove away a stunned Prashant realised he had blown away his chance of closing the unfinished business just like in all those days till their school session was over after the fateful next day of his birthday. That day he had cornered Anubhuti at the first chance he got and had harshly asked what was so important for her that she missed his birthday. He thought it was her ego that was coming in between them, while infact it was his own bruised one that was making him so angry to notice that she was already tensed about something. He didn't even wait for her reply, and slapped her across her face – a slap that had come from sheer frustration and anger. It was first time he hit a girl and that too Anubhuti. She stood stunned; her beautiful eyes that always had expressed joy of her heart only had tears of hurt, anger and disgust in them. Seeing this change was the first strike for him, what came next were her words that cut him deep. She said, listen Prashant, I don't think we can be friends anymore. You have broken everything. There is no need to worry about attending each other's birthday anymore, as let us not call each other for them. No need to come to my house anymore, I won't bother you either. Saying this she stormed out of the empty class and school. Somewhere deep down Prashant regretted slapping her, the guilt of it still pained him and made him promise to himself never to hit a girl again But that time his ego didn't let him go after her or apologize or talk to her in days to come. His ego didn't even let him go towards her house for a long time.

As the holidays progressed, he started missing her. The feeling of guilt also crept up but not enough still to overcome his ego and allow him to go to her house and talk to her. But one day his aunt brought news that broke the barriers of his ego. Anubhuti's family had moved out of town as her father got transferred somewhere. She was surprised to know that they didn't even meet once before going away and Prashant was clueless about all this. Hearing this Prashant ran out of house like mad only stopping before her doorstep. This time there was an even bigger lock on the door, indicating a permanency to her absence.

That night after his father came home for his weekend and Prashant was lying on bed with him, he told him everything that had happened as his father was more of a friend than a strict father and he could speak anytime anything with him. His father listened to him patiently as always, he was soothing in his approach but did reprimand him for his behaviour. In the end he asked, do you love her? Prashant was still much young to realise the true meaning of that word, but through his emotional turmoil he felt that if his father said so then it must be it. He assured him that he will help him find her if she didn't contact him, and once they were of age, he will arrange their marriage. A flutter of hope that those words had kindled in him remained unfulfilled till today. His father had died much earlier than he came of age, just about a year after this incident. The hope had over time turned into a deep regret that he had lived all these years.

It wasn’t as if Prashant stopped living or he never fell for a girl once again. But he never stopped his quest to find that one chance to meet Anubhuti and express his regret for what he happened between them. But today when the chance had finally come, he blew it once again. The rekindled hope of closing an unfinished business and seeking redemption after so many years had finally died forever.

Writer’s Block

'Writer’s Block’ is the most dreaded disease for us writers. Be it a bestselling author of inspirational literature or someone selling cheap pulp fiction for a quick buck or even someone thinking himself to be a writer while his words have never seen a different set of eyes. We all fear it like a chronic disease and yet sadly all of us have to suffer from it one time or the other during our life time. Some recover from it rather quickly while some unfortunate ones suffer long and hard without a panacea in sight.

By now maybe you have understood that I am also a writer suffering from the same disease. So without going into either self-praise or self-loathing mode, let me introduce myself to you. Let’s just say I have been able to live by a decent life so far with the help of my pen (or laptop as it is the case). Along with the moolah I have also received a fair share of good words from the critics.

But as I said, big or small many of my community members past, present or most likely future too I was also not immune to the ill-fated disease. It’s been a rather irksome phase that has gone longer than I hoped for. My publisher too has raised a few alarms that I need to rectify my rather long absence from the bookshelves in the market. Even some of those not so favourable critics out there wonder when they will get the next opportunity to postmortem my next ‘literary work’ and write its obituary with much profound literary skill than the author himself.

Interestingly atleast in the initial phase my girlfriend has been the happiest or maybe only happy person for my condition. As per her own admission, it has been long since I paid her this much attention or spend more time with her than my laptop since our initial wooing and courtship period. Infact seeing her happy for a while even I started enjoying the free time and our rejuvenated romance. I even forgot my dreaded illness and perhaps thought she can again be my muse and our togetherness will ignite some creativity in me.

But like any phase in life, this short and sweet time too passed on. I withdrew to a place of solitude find the writer lost within me. But even some quality time with myself didn’t really change things much. A few more drafts in my tab or on my laptop; a few more revisits to my previous half-baked, unfinished drafts that at the time might have seemed to have potential to be literary masterpiece or chart smashing bestseller but now seemed aimless, directionless just as I myself felt now.

During this struggle to find some inspiration, spark or seed for breaking the block, I heard from somewhere about this writer living nearby. Now, don’t ask me from where or whom I heard about him as the details are rather fuzzy to me like many things these days. But this writer too seems to be suffering the same like me. I got to know that he was a really good writer, quite a few bestsellers to his name, many awards in both popular and critics’ choice categories for one so young they said. Yet now he has become a tragic hero like the protagonists in most of his works... eople whispered that he was out of his wits.

So here I am sitting before him in his study in search of my next story. No not through any plagiarism, but perhaps some inspirational spark. The seed of the idea germinated in me since I heard about him and the kinship I felt with him for he was suffering such devastating repercussions of the same disease I was suffering from, at present. He seemed to be one of those who have lost everything to it, from his flair for writing to his livelihood to his friends and dear ones. I had decided that my next story would be about the disease itself and destruction it causes through our shared experiences. I thought perhaps this interaction between us will spark something within both of us and get us both out of this mess.

Ok, before I again start rambling about this disease that has become my fulltime obsession these days let me tell you my observation about my new acquaintance before me. He was of same height and built as me but from his face he looked much older to me though I knew he was same age as myself. His eyes, the dark circle below them and his forlorn expression seem to suggest a man much more battle-scarred than me.  Funnily at that time I remembered this lady critic had suggested, once, that half of my loyal readership is due to my boy next door charms.

Anyway, this guy sitting in his chair before me, in between us on his table was his laptop that he idly touched on the keyboard or mouse-pad between taking drags from his cigarette (the same brand as mine). Perhaps these were common habits most of us modern writers I thought. These little activities were infact the only proof that he was at all awake or present here before me. Then suddenly out of the blue he starts speaking, words just keep pouring out of his heart through his mouth. As our discussions progress I discover we share more common thought processes and life experiences apart from the physical appearance and age. We both seem to share the same masked self-pride and insecurities and yes, same fear and loathing towards the ‘writer’s block’.  As we grow familiar with each other we both seem to find a new lease of creative life. A new shine in his eyes suggested he too was finally getting some new inspiration to share with his readers just as my story idea started taking a form in my mind. I was also growing impatient for putting these ideas into words. This newfound excitement we both seem to have got both of us in an overdrive. The experiences we shared have been so fruitful that words, characters and situations kept swirling in my head so much that I only became aware of my surroundings once I was in my own study sitting before my own laptop. Amazing how when you are so pre-occupied in the world inside your mind that the real world outside lose its existence.

Now I must set to work; switch on my laptop and start writing again before the damn disease again rears its ugly head. But alas! My laptop refuses to boot up, no flicker of light on its screen or even those little LEDs that indicate a laptop coming to life. I check the power, cord and everything all seem to be in place. Damn modern technology, it always deserts you when you need them the most. As all my efforts seem to go in vain I grow more frustrated. A sense of dread starts creeping up my spine. I can’t really describe what it is but am highly suspicious that it’s that rascal ‘writer’s block’ that has something to do with it. In my frustration I push my laptop, which falls on the floor from the force of my push. I fear perhaps something broke in it but outwardly it looked fine and I am running out of patience to check on it. I try to find something else. A pen and paper perhaps, going the good old traditional way. Later it can be typed out on the laptop once I get someone to repair it. But damn my luck today, I seem to have no spare paper.  All pads, diaries and notebooks are either completely devoid of any paper or full of pages with gibberish written in handwriting I fail to read. I look around my printer, near that is the paper shredder and I see so many pages either torn or shredded and thrown in the dustbin below and around it.

The feeling of panic in my spine seem to have reached my head by now and grown into a full fledged migraine attack by now. Fear and dread has gripped me like a terribly high fever from which I am shivering by now. I need to call someone to help me with something to write on immediately. Wasn't my girlfriend here just yesterday, or was it last week or last month? Where is my trusted helper who has been with me since childhood? I try to get out of my study to find them or someone or anyone  outside! But outside is from where the door seems to be locked. I keep banging it but no one answers or comes to open it. I wonder who could've closed it from outside and why? I just came in from finishing my meeting with my new fellow writer friend. I don't seem to remember closing it from the inside, let alone seeing or hearing someone closing behind me.

Damn it! That feeling of dread and extreme panic is upon me. I feel am losing grip on the ideas and words that were just a while back fully occupied my mind. I realise that the disease is back, the writer's block is upon me once again like an endless dark tunnel. I fall down on the sofa before my desk exhausted from battling this fear. The sofa is just like the one I was sitting on my new friend's study not so long ago.

Where is he?

Where is he...
in whose name people put their faith and life,
in whose name both saints and demons come alive,
in whose name men are divided from men,
in whose name blood flows faster than water,
in whose name children are baptised or butchered,

No matter the name, no matter the face,
Under his almighty gaze,
Innocent suffer, flourishes hate,
The search goes on...
Long live his grace!

Regret(s)

It was an ordinary weekend for Ravi. Wandering aimlessly in a city he still felt like an alien even after six years. As he boarded one of the last metro-trains, his mobile conked off as usual and he got irritated thinking of being bored for the next 25 minutes sitting idle. The train was empty; no one for him to observe and analyse as he often did to pass time. It was amongst the last trains that ran pretty late in the night, not on a very heavy traffic line and it was a weekend when almost everyone in the city was busy somewhere shedding the fatigue of mind and body off them.

Just as Ravi was readying to sit for the solitary journey home he saw her running down the stairs in a mad hurry to race against time. She jumped off two steps at a time; her hair sticking to her pretty face from sweat due to the effort and a little panic in her big doelike eyes. In a sudden rush of who knows what, Ravi went to the door of the train putting himself between the doors, caught the girl’s hand and pulled her in the train just as the door started closing in. As she stood catching her breath holding the rod beside the seats, he thought of the moment or the fraction of it- quite Bollywoodish, no one might believe it and even he was having hard time believing that such a thing would happen to him; not that he was a dreamer or romantic for that matter. 

The proof of it all came just then as Ravi heard her say thank you for his help. The train had gotten lost in the tunnels at optimum speed and she had started her story at a faster pace without him asking anything. Her voice mesmerizing, her smile captivating and her laugh even more so… She had gone to this movie of the new heartthrob she desperately wanted to see with a couple of her friends and their boyfriends (no mention of her own was a bit satisfying somewhere in Ravi’s mind). She would not normally be allowed to go for a late show had her father been in town. But she needed to get back home asap; her mother was worried for her and if she wasn’t home by the time her Dad called, it would be a havoc when he came back the next day.

Ravi kept listing to her babbling which may or may not have been actually directed towards him, as two more stations passed by they both were yet to oblige any of the empty seats of the metro that are viciously fought for during the busy hours. She was telling about her friends, who had come with their boyfriends on bikes. She was to take an auto from the theater back home only to realize that it was one of those days that the city’s auto drivers were on strike. A couple of them that were there asked some insane amount for a journey of just a few kilometers. She was in no mood to entertain them and be broke all month through. When threatening them with police complaint for refusing to take a female to her destination at late hours did not budge them, she decided to take the metro. Her house was quite close by to the metro station which was just 5 stations away and if she hurried she would catch atleast the last metro home. This brought Ravi to the realization that his good times were soon to be over as one of the next two stoppages will be the last of the most amazing journey he had. But then what more could he hope for, he hadn’t really become a brave knight in the shining armour for battling a metro door for her that she would grace him with her phone number or something. That’s getting a bit too ‘filmy hopeful’ he thought; but then she took out her cellphone. Was it to be a day of fortunate circumstances for Ravi like never before in his otherwise ordinary life? But his hopes were diminished within seconds as she had taken it out only to receive her mother’s call. She assured her mother she was safely on her way back and barely a station away and no she didn’t need her ‘good-for-nothing’ brother to come pick her up at the station; though in the end she accepted that she would take a rickshaw. ‘Sibling rivalry’, Ravi thought amusingly; remembering his own little sister back home.

By the time she had finished with the call the train was languidly entering the station she had been intended for. A thought came to Ravi’s mind- should he offer to accompany her to her home or atleast to the rickshaw stand till she gets a rickshaw. Ravi’s own station was still a couple more ahead but he could himself get a rickshaw afterwards or even walk down the remaining 2-3 kilometers. That won’t be an issue. But will that be a bit too bold to ask her? Surely he intended only for her safety at this late hour, but what if she thought otherwise? Who in there days and times are so helpful without any motive? She might take it as an undue offer of assistance or even think that he was making a move. Maybe it was just that tiny bit of his brain that selfishly wanted to extend this amazing journey little longer by accompanying her or the adrenalin which had settled down by now from the door incident that made him hesitant. He heard her say goodbye to him with another one of her mesmerizing smiles; that he wasn’t sure he would get to see any more. A pang of regret set inside Ravi as the metro door started closing behind her. 

Next morning when Ravi woke up he was almost over it, dismissing the incident almost as if it was just a beautiful dream – half remembered, half forgotten. He picked up the newspaper as per his daily morning ritual. As Ravi turned the paper and started reading the little piece at the bottom, a dreadful regret crept inside him, choking him. If only he had been bold enough in the end, if only he had gone with her, if only he hadn’t been so mesmerized by her that he had lost awareness of his surrounding so much so that he failed to notice the three rowdy drunk boys couple of bogeys behind them, he could’ve given her a fighting chance, he could’ve saved her from being just another number in the ever increasing rape statistics of the city, from being yet another candle at the India Gate, from being just a false name without a face – a face that Ravi was all too familiar with, only what was left of her with him with his regret(s).

होली है।

आओ खेलें होली है
इलेक्शन के मौसम में
राजनैतिक रंगो की खुली पोटली है
ऐक फेंके केसरिया तो दुजे ने पलट झाडू चलाई है

भांग में  मलंग पप्पू भी नाचे
लाल, नीला, पीला, हरा मिलके नये रंगो का गठजोड़ बनाये है!

कीचड़  भी खूब उछल रहा,

मीडिया गुब्बारे भरे है,

जनता को कोई मूरख न समझे,

हाथ उसके वोट की पिचकारी है! 

Aao khele holi hai...
Election k mausam me,
Rajnitik rango ki khuli potli hai...
Ek feke kesaria to duje ne palat jhadoo chalai hai ...
Bhang me malang pappu bhi nache tata thaiya,
Lal, nila, pila, hara milke naye rango ka gathjor banaye hai!
Kicchar bhi khub uchal raha,
Media k gubbare bhari hai...
Janta koi murakh na samjhe,
Hath uske vote ki pichkari hai!

Happy New Year!!!

Thousand wishes..Millions hopes...that's what New Year brings to you...
Like a seasoned politician, it spell-binds you in the web of many unfulfilled promises...
Not just that it makes you its own, with a string of broken resolutions...
New Year is nothing but a lie, a conceived notion called time...
Just like the assurances we give to ourselves and others...
There will be a tomorrow to look forward...
We shout, we scream...we protest on the streets...after-all we are students of 3 monkeys...
Nothing changes..nothing ever will...corruption and lechery has been seeded to our genes ...
We will just celebrate New Years,
A facade to forget that we are failures and villains of our own lives...
Only thing changes is the calender year!!!

I don't...

Don’t take my silence for acceptance,

Don’t take my silence for weakness,

Don’t take my silence for your victory,

I am silent because I stopped caring a long time back,

From this hypocritical world I stand apart.

I know what you will say,

I know all your accusations and brickbats,

I have seen it all and have nothing to say,

I am silent because I stopped caring a long time back,

From this hypocritical world I stand apart.

Your standards may vary but mine don’t,

My whims are my own,

They are not up for your judgment so don’t

I am silent because I stopped caring a long time back,

From this hypocritical world I stand apart.

Its time...

It's time to say good bye,
Like it or not, its time to move on...

Beyond!

There will be some unsaid words,

There will be some unheard thoughts.

There will be some regrets, some unfinished tasks...

But it's time to bring all to an end!

Don’t be sad, cause there aren’t many who have tears to shed,

Not many to share your thoughts, or appreciate the life your had…

Life is short and shortest you have got,

Just get ready to embrace the eternal peace!

Don’t worry for those who you leave behind,

All those who left you behind,

You have also moved on beyond and away from them...

Life had gone on for you,

Life will go on after you…

You are nothing, just a twig in a raging sea,

You didn’t have a meaning yesterday,

Nor will you have anything after today!

It's time to say good bye,

Like it or not, its time to move on...

Beyond!

Destiny

When Prakash came out of his office and lit a cigarette, it was well past 10 of a chilly winter night in Delhi. Prakash just loved such winter nights, but the scene before him was also like his own life, dark, cold and alone...

His own place was about 8-10km away from his office. But as it was late and there were no buses running, so he just kept walking towards the auto stand about a km away. It was usual routine for Prakash to get out late from office even if there wasn't much work; afterall what did he have to look forward to, to get back. An empty 1BHK apartment! Who'll believe the happy go lucky person like him now lived in isolation from everyone...

But this wasn't the case till couple of years back; Prakash had a great job as a software engineer in a big MNC in Bangalore. The job he immediately got in campus placement after he had passed out with flying colours from IIT Delhi. But he wasn't just brilliant in studies, he was a true all-rounder. Be in music, dance, acting, art or writing he had it all in him and this made him the prize catch for all the girls.

But all that changed about a year and half back. That Saturday evening when Prakash was coming back from a night out party with his friends, he saw a girl on the side of the road ready to jump before the raging traffic. Prakash stepped on the accelerator and reached her just in time to block her way from jumping before a fast approaching SUV. His already adrenaline rushed heart got another jolt when he saw the girl's face. It was a face he recognized and yet it was unknown. It was Neelima, but she did not look at all like the beautiful, lively girl Prakash had a secret crush in college. Dark circles under the most beautiful and mysterious eyes that looked like they had been shedding tears continuously for god knows how many days, from her face and appearance she looked as if she hadn't had decent food or sleep for days. He somehow managed to call a taxi to take her to his flat after parking the bike at a nearby parking-lot of a mall.

After reaching his flat he told her to freshen up while he made some sandwiches and coffee. She followed him mechanically when he showed her the washroom and came back just the same as if in a trance all this while. Prakash could tell she hadn't done anything except crying more. He came to her and asked if she recognized him, but the only response he got was "please, can I go?" Prakash told her who he was and tried jolting her back to reality. After looking at his face for a little while as if she was finally coming back to reality, Neelima recognized it was the face of her best friend from college. Somehow it just made her break down to heavy sobs and tears. An awkward Prakash after hesitating a little just could take it no more and hugged her close and kept soothing her with calming words. After a while, time unknown to both, her sobs finally came to control and he brought her the sandwiches and coffee.

Just one bite of the sandwich and Neelima was again back to crying and Prakash again had to sooth her. He was worried, what had happened to the always smiling and always joking girl who was his partner in crime in many practical jokes he had pulled in college to have broken down in such a way. It was a great effort by him that managed to get the sobbing girl to eat a bit. After pushing away the dishes, seeming to gain a control over herself, She asked him to let her go. He promptly refused it by saying she would be staying in the guest room for today.  Neelima kept refusing but Prakash was adamant. Finally she burst out, “EVERY ONE IN THIS WORLD WANTS ME TO GO AWAY, WHY DON’T YOU LET ME GO TOO….” Prakash Replied, “I DON’T KNOW ABOUT OTHERS, BUT AM NOT ONE OF THEM, SO YOU ARE STAYING HERE TILL I KNOW WHAT’S WRONG AND FIND A SOLUTION TO IT.”  “There is no solution Prakash, I am what is wrong with me…” saying this she was again back to sobbing. Something in Prakash just compelled him to take the shaking body of Neelima in his arms and hug her close. May be this is what she needed, some closeness, to feel needed; it just broke the damn of words that told her sad story.

In college besides being best of friends, Prakash and Neelima were also the biggest competition for each other as the most brilliant, most versatile and most popular people in the college. If Prakash was the prize catch for every girl in college then Neelima was the same for every boy. Secretly even Prakash admired his best friend a lot, but he never was able to say it to her even though they both shared everything with each other. It was not only fear of losing the friendship over rejection in love that held him back, another reason was her family, not only they were rich and powerful but also very orthodox in matters of love and marriage. She was also not someone who really was into love and romance, what she wanted was to be free spirited independent girl and never really gave any of her suitors much attention. After college just like Prakash, Neelima too landed a good job with a reputed MNC and it gave her an opportunity to be independent on her own in a different city than her home town. Despite reservations from family she went to Pune and took the job. Even though they went far with their job, they remained in touch over mail, chat and phone. But with hectic work schedules even that touch started fading away. But Prakash never really could forget Neelima though a new development changed a lot in Neelima’s life. In office she met Suresh, her team leader on the project. And with time somehow while working, things started changing between them. The charismatic, always finding an excuse to laugh Suresh found a way to capture Neelima’s independent heart and as the time went by she fell deeply in love with him. 

But destiny was writing a different story here, as the project finished after almost a year, Suresh and Neelima were assigned to different projects. Finally he was even transferred to the Bangalore office for the new project, initially it was still ok, they used to meet over weekends when either Suresh would come to Pune or Neelima would go to Bangalore, but then one day Neelima got a news that she was both happy and scared to hear; She was pregnant. They needed to get married as soon as possible or else if her family got to know about this all hell would break lose. But as the weekend came things started to look much worse, Suresh was freaking out over the news, he kept on saying their careers weren’t at a point that allowed them to start a family, he needed more security, and if their relationship got known in the company they might lose their jobs. She kept insisting him to give it a proper thought but Suresh left that evening with much hurry. Over the next few weekends, she tried to persuade him, but he started avoiding her. He told her he was going off for some client meeting so he wouldn’t be able to come or meet her in Bangalore. Then to make the matters worse Neelima was called by her family to attend a cousin’s wedding where talks of getting her married loomed large during the celebrations. Her parents and close relatives kept an eye on the potential grooms. After the week long festivities were over Neelima went directly off to Bangalore rather than going to Pune, as she hadn’t heard much from Suresh over the past ten days. He had not called once and when she had called most of the time either he was too busy or too tired to talk.

It was two nights before the night Prakash had found Neelima, she had gone straight to Suresh’s apartment but he wasn’t there. She went in using her duplicate keys and something stuck her odd. The things were not really in place, many boxes were in various stages of packing, it was a scene that meant the person living there was getting ready to move out soon, very soon. She was really worried now. She called Prakash but no one picked up. She kept trying for hours but there was no response. She didn’t know when she fell asleep in the couch, but she was rudely awakened from violent shaking by someone. It was Suresh, he was drunk, and he kept on asking why she was here. She tried to explain, even told him that they should talk later as he was too drunk to have a logical discussion. But he started screaming that he didn’t want her there, and finally came what had never happened in her life, Suresh hit her, even her strict father had never hit her all her life. And it didn’t stop in one slap; he hit her repeatedly and even tried to take her out of the apartment by her hair. Somehow she managed to get out of his grasp and shut herself in the bedroom to pass the night crying sleeplessly. The next morning though Suresh was at his best behavior, he even said sorry and told her that due to work pressure and tension he had gotten too drunk and it would never happen again. He assured her that he would have a serious talk with her in the evening after he came back from an important meeting. Neelima still wanted to believe him, wanted to give him the chance, and she waited for him all day, without feeling like or actually eating anything, even thought she had prepared Suresh’s favorite dish. The day rolled on to evening and evening to night and yet again there was no sign of Suresh. Finally at about 2 am in the night he came, again drunk, she asked him to eat but he threw the food saying he hated it, pushed her to the floor and went inside the bedroom locking the door.

Next morning, Neelima had enough, she wanted to resolve it one way or another, and as soon as Suresh came out she was before him with all her unanswered questions and accusations. This time he was in no apologetic mood; if he was bad in drunken state, he was worst in full senses. He abused her profusely alleging she was trying to destroy his career with false allegations and he wanted nothing to do with her. On repeated confrontation by Neelima, he became a monster. He didn’t stop at just slapping her but beat her up using anything he could lay his hands on, and finally threw her out saying he was going to Europe for an onsite work by evening flight and would never ever be back to see her face. Neelima was broken; mentally, emotionally and physically. She didn’t know what to do, where to go, her world had shattered and she could do nothing about it. She couldn’t go back to her family to seek help. She knew them too well for that. They would kill her first and ask explanations later for the dishonor she brought to the family. And anyways she had no reason to approach them, Suresh would be beyond her reach by the time any help came to her, and she felt he had already gone too far from her reach. No, she had no option left but to accept her fate, she would save her family from doing the dirty work, she would not live, she would kill herself. She was ready to act on her resolve just when Prakash had found her on the street.

By the time Neelima had finished with the story of her misfortune, Prakash was prancing all across the room with rage saying “that bastard….should kill the bastard”, but he knew in his heart, there was nothing to be done; Suresh was much farther away to do anything. The despair and frustration in his mind slowly started to form into a determination, the determination to safeguard Neelima, and her unborn child from the world. 

With this steely resolve Prakash told Neelima that if she should trust him he would want her to stay with him without any fear, after all as friends they had pledged to always be there for each other. No matter what argument or logic she tried to give against it, he refuted vehemently and his brilliant brain was working superfast; working out details on what to do on her family and office front, his own work, and how to best take care of his best friend. Slowly they both settled into a rhythm of life. After getting Neelima out of her job and making a story to her family about her joining his firm, they got into the mode of waiting for the day. As the time passed by both started getting used to each other, while Prakash started enjoying coming back from work and spending time with Neelima taking care of her, she too made her own efforts to make his two-room flat a home for him. As D-day started approaching, they became both apprehensive and excited about the future beyond as they both started nurturing feelings for each other that they both seemed to be superstitiously avoiding to admit even to themselves.

The day actually came even before they thought it would be, clearly it was to be a case of a little premature birth almost a month before the stipulated date. As Prakash saw Neelima being taken to the OT, he said to her, “Come back soon, need something important to talk to you”. Neelima in her heart knew for sure what he wanted to say, and she was ready to accept his proposal. It was to be the happiest day of their lives. But again destiny had some more twists to play in the game. Neelima went in, but never came back; neither she, nor her child. Some complications developed late during the delivery and despite best efforts of the doctors, they couldn’t save her and the child was a stillborn. The news shattered Prakash to the core, as if everything from his life was taken away by a cruel joke of destiny.  He just couldn’t believe that he had lost Neelima, his best friend and love of his life again and this time forever. After few days, he left not only his job but also the city that somehow only gave painful memories of his Neelima. He moved to Delhi, the city where he had spent most memorable beautiful time with her…

Deeply immersed in those thoughts Prakash never had an inkling to the fast approaching danger towards him. The Honda City driven by few drunken youngsters who had lost full control over it rammed into him from behind. Prakash hit the bonnet, then the windscreen and then he was thrown forward. Lucky for him the car swerved the other way and he was saved from going under its wheels, still he was gravely injured. The accident somehow brought the rogue youngsters to some senses and the best they could do was drive away as fast as they could from the scene. Some of the vehicles passing by stopped and people came out to see the situation. One of them was….Shreya!!!

For Shreya the scene before her was a twisted joke of destiny. The man there lying on the road was just her subordinate, so at the most her reaction should be of empathy. But then the man here was somehow a bit more or may be a lot more. Shreya knew Prakash from much before he came to the company under her. Infact, he was a bit senior to her in the company in Bangalore he used to work. She used to like him, more than like she had admired and even held a strong crush bordering to love with him. He was a legend in the organization back then, just like in college, with his extraordinary presence of mind and logical thinking in solving hardest of issues. Often his bosses would cite him as an example to others. Some became very jealous and some ardent admirers. Shreya was ofcourse among the second group. She would go to him for help for a real issue or just as an excuse to talk to him and he would always be ready to help her or any one else who came to him. They became very good friends and infact she believed that they had become more than good friends, until that day…the day Neelima reentered into his life.  As they say half knowledge is very dangerous and as she knew very little of Neelima-Prakash relationship, she developed all sorts of misconceptions about them and their relationship. She started hating him; so much so that she soon left that job and went back to Delhi, her home city, to work in her uncle’s firm.

After almost a year and half, Prakash also joined the firm on the behest of one of his college buddy who used to work here. But as he had a gap of around a year that he didn’t do anything so he became a subordinate to Shreya. Though from his friend she got to know most of the real story but somehow something in her never made her fully comfortable about him, their relation never became as cordial as before. But then Prakash was nothing more than just civil curtsey to anyone. He just did his work without mingling or socializing much with anyone, even with his friend he was never seen to be very joyous. Between Shreya and Prakash, they both acted as if they had never known each other before or they were any friendlier than a boss and her subordinate. Shreya had, post Bangalore, become very guarded in her social activities, especially in her uncle’s firm she had become totally career minded and wanted to reach the higher echelons as soon as possible.

The police siren broke Shreya off her reverie; the police inspector came and started asking people if they knew what had happened or if any of them knew the victim. Something snapped under the hard shell of hers, she came forward and identified herself. She demanded prompt action for getting him immediate medical attention. Her influential position, name of her uncle and his firm did get her that and in no time the ambulance was carrying her and Prakash towards one of the best medical institutes of the country.

When Prakash had reached the hospital, the doctors there were very skeptical, his condition was very critical on the first look. Further examinations proved that his head injuries were not fatal, however, the condition of his legs were critical. The direct impact, both with the bonnet of the car and later with the divider, had smashed both knees to bits. What transpired for next four months though was nothing short of miracle. Not only did they helped his physical recovery but also somehow healed both his and Shreya’s mental wounds. The challenge of his situation had filled her with a new vigor to achieve a new goal of life, to get him well. After almost a month in the hospital for his initial recovery, she took him to her own apartment. He couldn’t walk, as it would take time to get adjusted to replaced knees. Though his medical insurance or Shreya’s own money was enough to foot his medical bill and afford proper medical care with expert attendants, she had taken charge of his care and the nurse was just to her help. Prakash showed initial resistance to her, her adamant nature only allowed him to have his insurance to take care of his medical bills.

Shreya got immersed with taking care of Prakash and also got on with the task of getting those guys involved in the accident brought to justice. When the culprits were caught, she felt an immense relief which translated into a realization. She now truly realized what kind of responsibility he had felt for Neelima, how enraged he must have been over the guy who had betrayed her. She felt those same emotions of protectiveness and enragement for him and the culprits and she may not have had half the association with him than what he had with Neelima. She realized that her feelings for him now ran much deeper than just the infatuation and hurt pride of past; it had transformed into high respect and deep love.  On the other hand, Prakash too couldn’t remain unaffected by Shreya and her will to get him better. He remembered how she used to be when he had first met her, full of childish exuberance and charming nature, and then the next time he had met about a year and half later, cold to the core, completely businesslike. Now the Shreya he was seeing was a much mature mix of both, she had found her joyous nature that even filled him with a smile along with the same steely determination for his recovery that drove her in her professional life. Seeing her, he started gaining a will to live and recover; he understood her feelings and also recognized his own budding feelings for her. He also realized that now he couldn’t leave her; that would break her just like he broke down after Neelima’s death or may be worse. No he couldn’t let it happen, so it made him more determined to get better for Shreya’s sake, for their future’s sake. 

It was a very good day for Shreya, she was almost over the moon with happiness. Today she and Prakash had a very deep conversation regarding their future together and even though he felt that him still not being fully fit or being able to walk without support was a hindrance towards their relationship, she negated vehemently all his doubts and apprehensions. She was not one to let go of this opportunity and she didn’t. It was decided between them that they would get married in six months come what may. The calling bell suddenly broke Shreya off her thoughts of the future. When she opened the door she was surprised to see the guy whom her uncle wished to get her engaged and eventually married. She was never much in love with this guy but now seeing him standing on her doorstep suddenly took her aback. He was a key top executive of their firm seeing their Europe operations; she had some interaction when during her Europe tours and went on a few business dates too. Even though he had a charming way of dealing with people, somehow, it seemed to her sometimes to be too eager to please. By the time she could react in any way he had already given her the rose bouquet and was on his way to hug her, but he suddenly stopped in his track seeing Prakash wheeling his wheelchair to see who it was. Both guys seemed surprised to see each other. Before Prakash could react or Shreya could say something, the question or the statement was thrown at them, “So this is the employee of ours whom you have been very kind to these days, it seems he is always at the right places in the wrong time.” Shreya couldn’t think of anything else but an introduction to clear the awkwardness prevailing. “Uh ya, this is Prakash …and Prakash, this is our Europe Operations Head, Su…..resh!!!” What she saw when she looked at Prakash, and the millions of thoughts that came crashing into her head for those few seconds were enormous. Prakash was standing, without any help infront of his wheelchair, which a face and eyes full of rage and anguish, that scene was a trigger enough for her to go into the story of Prakash and Neelima’s life and identify who Suresh was. Destiny has played its final game and life has come to a full circle…

The decision was clear in Shreya’s mind and she didn’t waste any time in going by Prakash’s side to take his hand into hers to give a calming effect to him, and said, “Mr. Suresh, you are mistaken, he is in the right place at the right time…its you who is in the wrong place at the wrong time…so please excuse us!”

---The End---